#so like if i purge or exercise it doesnt count

[inthefadingtwilightt]

uhh im at 1236 in 3 days after eating 1080 all week last week so thats not fun

ykw i may have eaten more than id like today but at least i shat 👍

[soundscapesystem]

note to logan/dave/batti/whoever else may be fronting often right now:

(idk why anyone outside the system might read this but ur welcome if u rlly want? but i have to post it publically so they know im being serious and stop fucking around w it so please read on w caution. tw: disordered esting, long post, probably hard to read)

i have left notes in our daily planner, i have left notes on our phone, i have left notes in one of the last books we were reading, i have left notes in our recipe book in the kitchen, i have left notes in our lunch box, i have left them in our system discord and in ur drafts on ur main blogs and if writing it somewhere public doesnt fucking work i will write this on ur main blogs and post it publically there too but at least this blog is somewhat more private so be thankful i went here first.

i am really fucking trying with our eating. i am trying so goddamned hard and u fucks screw me up every single goddamned time. is it so hard to just listen to me? to just let me control this one single tiny aspect of our lives? let me make our lunch snd then actually choose what we eat of it. let me decide when and what and how much we have for lunch. i am TRYING not to restrict. i am not even counting calories. i write down how much is in our lunches but i dont count dinner or any small snacks. i let you have things on the weekends i notmally do not allow (bread based things mostly) and i have tried so hard to make lunches that would make u both happy too! i learned how to bake with keto flour substutes even tho its expensive so we can still have a nice treat after lunch! i always make sure to pack protein even tho i prefer a vegetarian meal i know you guys like meat so i make it for you and i try to make healthier versions of things i already know you like! i have pushed a single exercise regimen. i have suggested we take a light walk the majority of days out of the week since we have a very sedentary job but ive never enforced it. logan loves ice cream and i found healthier alternatives for them and always keep it stocked! im trying so, so hard right now to find a middle ground with you guys and i feel so ignored and pushed around.

be pissed at me purging again if u want i really dont care at this point because the one and only thing i asked you guys not to do was to get fast food or chips. those are the only things i outlawed completely and thats really generous. ive even made many exceptions to these like when ur boyfriend comes over and i let u have fast food then because i know were up and moving around all day and typicall only eat once all day anyway. i let you get full calorie full sugar super caloric dense coffees and never say a word.

all i ask is you not get fast food. it makes me feel disgusting. not just the weight gain fear and not just the amount but the food triggers me out so none of u are around to feel the effects of eating a mostly fresh and raw diet 6/7 days a week and then getting a big greesy salty sugar burger and deep fried side and a milkshake and how sickening it feels. i am not just sick from our ED i am sick from the FOOD ITSELF cuz we are not used to eating this junk anymore! it hurts! im not even throwing up entirely from shame and disgust, its also because if i feel like if i dont do it myself its gonna come up anyway cuz of how naseous it makes me.

so i am fucking begging you so i dont have to try to make sense of this to our brand new therapist please, please, PLEASE stop getting fast food. PLEASE! i do not wanna get back into the habit of purging so u cannot go back to binging. i will make healthy versions of whatever food u want! just stop please okay?

thank u

-shelly

[ongaku-ato-kakikomi]

Hii, can i request something like a headcanon or an imagine where draco finds out that his girlfriend has lots of struggles with eating (slightly anorexic, skinny but not bony)she doesnt purge just counts calories and is obsessed with numbers and she's very insecure about her body although shes skinny, and he just finds out and tries to comfort her like how would he react when he notices... basically pure fluff, sorry if this is triggering i understand if you dont wanna write it

(A/N): Hi, sorry for the wait! I know this is short, but I hope you’ll like this

Trigger Warning: Slight anorexia.

○ At first, Draco has no idea about what you’re going through.

○ For all he knows, you’re pretty much happy.

○ But then, one day, he offers you your favorite dessert of all time, and you kindly push it aside.

○ “I’m not really hungry today.”

○ He finds that really odd.

○ Normally you would have gasped in happiness and annoy him with ‘thank you’s and all.

○ That moment makes him wonder if you’re okay, and that’s when he started noticing things about you that you never did before.

○ For example, every time you would pass by a window or a mirror, you would now look at yourself, pinch the skin around your arms or your legs and make a disgusted face.

○ That’s something he doesn’t quite like because he doesn’t understand why anyone would make such a face while looking at you.

○ And frankly, he’s kind of scared of what you might be thinking in those times.

○ He doesn’t really talk to you about it first, because he doesn’t want you to feel trapped (and he’s also not good with talking about deep problems, so he’s kind of confused).

○ He starts to get a little worried when you stop coming at the Slytherin’s table for breakfast.

○ You usually tell him that you have too much homework to do, but he doesn’t quite bite it.

○ Especially when you miss lunch every two days.

○ In which case you lie and say that you ate something back in your room.

○ Then you hide a small black book inside your robe’s pocket or in your desk’s drawer, one that you’ve been carrying for a few months now and that you’ve never shown anyone.

○ He doesn’t like secrets, especially from people he thinks he can trust because it means they might betray him in some way.

○ And so one day, while you’re distracted, he takes your notebook and opens it.

○ He’s shocked to see pages and pages full of how many calories you took in one day, and how much exercising you’ll need to do in order to eliminate the extras.

○ I mean, with how you were looking at yourself, he was expecting some insecurities.

○ But he wasn’t expecting such an obsession on your weight.

○ You’re already so skinny and so beautiful, why would you want to change anything?

○ When you come back in the room and see him reading the notebook, your face turns white.

○ “I… I can explain.”

○ Draco just closes the notebook and puts it back on the desk, then goes straight to you and takes your hands in his.

○ “(Y/N), I love you.”

○ Those words almost make you cry, because he never said them to you before and he’s looking at you with so much sincerity in his eyes.

○ “I love you so much, and I want to make sure you don’t have to worry about anything. You’re already perfect, you don’t need to change anything at all about yourself.”

○ At this point, the tears are falling down on your face, and you feel your shoulders shaking.

○ “Draco, I-I can’t help it. It’s… the voices… they don’t shut up.”

○ A few teardrops escape from his eyes, but he only uses his thumb to wipe away yours.

○ “Then we’ll fight this.” He gives your forehead a small kiss. “Together.”